I decided on the way home tonight that I needed red lip stain. So I stopped at CVS and applied liberally when I got home. I usually consider it a good day if I remember to reach for my blistex.
I put up a post last night and then deleted it this morning. (It was bad writing.) I have four unfinished posts in my drafts folder. That sweet-spot eludes me. I can't find the right flow. I'm working on a writing project that I'm not sure will ever see the light of day. It's not quite... enough. I made myself promise I will hit "publish" on this post. Regardless of...
Things are good, you know. All of them. I know.
I wanted to tread lightly. Walk slowly and lightly. "I turned my whole life upside down." I said it. I acknowledged it. I'm not sure I believed it. And now...
It's more than letting go. It's life contracting and expanding in the same moments. An old accordion moving together and apart, together and apart. It's starting over.
Last night I wrote about intuition and time. Self-loyalty and self-doubt. Or that's what I tried to write about. It ended up jumbled with stories from middle school math class and sophomore year prom invites. It ended up being about right and wrong, which missed the mark, mixed up the point. I hit publish well after 1 am. I should have been sleeping.
This transition to the next "chapter" of life is beginning well before I pack my things and go. It's beginning. I see that now. It's a bit jumbled and abrupt. Scattered and ridged. Disjointed. Too heavy.
But at it's core, it is about intuition and time, self-loyalty and self-doubt. I'll take that any day over right and wrong. Red lip stain and all. It's what is getting me through.